Quasi-parenthood is having a long, detailed conversation through the bathroom door about why some people are shy about using the bathroom and why, in particular, I’m using the downstairs toilet for my morning scan of the newspaper rather using the one upstairs, which, for some insane reason, is in the same volume as the master bedroom because of architectural stupidity and not, as should be the case, in a separate, enclosed, and well-ventilated space.

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